Picture Pages-Texas Rangers

Monday:

Twins 7 Texas 6

Tank da lord for the Twins' minor league depth. Hot prospects Bobby Korecky and Howie Clark save the game with their arms, bats, and ridiculous, child-like first names.

Tuesday:

Twins 11 Texas 4

Home Runs? No thank-you. You may worry that Ozzie Guillen will run out of small, ferocious animals to describe the Twins' offense...but you forget that he hasn't even gotten to fizzgig yet. Kaiser is working on a "Chicks Dig Station to Station Baseball" tee-shirt.

Wednesday:

Texas 10 Twins 1

With the untimely death of Andruw Jones, the title of "Best Player Eligible to Play for The Netherlands National Baseball Team" is between Jair Jurrgens and that guy, huh? Is it me, or should we probably not lose to that guy? Fuck it, I'm going for a smoke and a pancake.

Thursday:

Texas 8 Twins 7

Ladies...better take your swings now. The stud fee for Josh Hamilton is about to go up.