Team's done, I want mine.

I love Papi. Who doesn't and if you don't, then you must hate puppies as well. I was alittle disappointed to read the follow article on ESPN.com regarding Papi's thoughts about the MVP race in the American League.

I think it's safe to say that it's down to Dye, Morneau, Konerko, Papi and Jeter (always have to have a Yankee in the mix). All have their arguements for and against, don't really need to re-hash that as it's basically the same stuff every year. I was surprised to see Papi basically say that the Boston line-up isn't near as good as the Yankee line-up.

"Don't get me wrong -- he's a great player, having a great season, but he's got a lot of guys in that lineup," Ortiz continued. "Top to bottom, you've got a guy who can hurt you. Come hit in this lineup, see how good you can be."

The best thing about these comments is anyone can go to a site and see if Papi, well, might be looking at it the wrong way. Out of the 14 teams in the AL, here is how Boston, Chicago, New York and out beloved Twins rank in each category:

Stat NY Boston Chicago Twins
HR 3 5 1 13
RBI 1 5 2 8
Runs 1 4 2 8
TB 4 7 1 9
2B 6 5 10 11
SLG 4 7 1 8
Hits 2 8 2 6
AVE 1 10 2 3
OBP 1 2 5 6
OPS 1 5 3 7
ERA 6 11 9 3

Papi, you will get votes. Sorry to say, Jeter will get votes as well. It's not like your team doesn't hit and does score runs cause you do. Maybe the cash cow should have spent more money on good pitching and not trade Hanley for anything. Maybe D Wells was good regardless of the fact he was hurt. You've got 14 or 15 game winners in Clement and Beckett, not really that much more. Schilling is 89. Put it together, you need pitching.

By that quote, Morneau should be the clear favorite. Who's more important to the team?

The Post In Which You Get To See Lohan Boob (like you haven't seen it before)

With the next phase of the season beginning, the series with the Ligers that starts tonight is starting to take on Fat Bastard-level heaviness in my mind. As you may have gathered from random roller coaster rantings from me in the past, things tend to ebb and flow in the miasma between my ears, and obesity of ideas is a recurrent issue. Anorexia of ideas, I'm hoping to implement soon. But I think this one is for real.

I've heard all matter of pundits comment on Silva's somewhat odd outing last night. Both odd because (gasp) he actually pitched out of his gourd for the first time in phases. But also odd because of the way it ended -- as prematurely as Lindsay Lohan's "next Laren Bacall" super-stardom. How's THAT going for her (and how about wearing undergarments occassionally?) 59 pitches through 6 innings and then "inexplicably" takes himself out of the game. To read the quotes from the manager and pitching coach, it came out of nowhere. But I've heard elsewhere that the management was well aware ahead of time that he was feeling under the weather going into the game. As stated by Carlos though in the above-linked article:

"I'm not feeling good the whole game, and shoot, we have the best bullpen in the league," he said.

I find that hard to argue with even given, 1)Silva's taken himself out under "questionable" circumstances twice before this season, and/or 2)Common baseball wisdom is that you want your starter to go as long as possible in order to preserve the pen, no matter how good they are.

I'm still with Carlos. But maybe not for any of the reasons listed above. The real reason we should maybe be grateful for his vomitousness is that it exposed a troubling, dare I say, pattern? Neshek is living up to his original minor league billing: "Pat Neshek! One Night Only! Watch him mow down righties, but struggle to get lefties -- at least after he's in the league long enough for big league hitters to catch up with his Crazy Ass delivery" This is not a mirage people. Thank god Jessie Crain has found it a bit. I think Neshek is firmly ensconced himself in the Situational category, which is good because I hear Denny Reyes was getting lonely.

A squandered quality Silva start aside (you weren't really expecting to win that game anyway, were you?), this Detroit series has me all a'twitter. I'm getting a little veclempt just thinking about it. They're struggling. We're struggling. And somehow, we're 1/2 game up in the Wild Card, and 4 games back in the division, with the big dogs in town, and Santana finishing off the series at home, where he's been more invincible than Superman in a panic room. Let's just struggle a little less then them the next four days.

A few addendums:
Here's hoping Carlos passes around those awesome pills to Boof and Garzy.

And speaking of awesome.

*Warning* This Post May Cause Unintended and Irrational Positivity

The season is over for me. No, not really…but this phase is.

This hasn’t been a straight-forward season, and, for the purpose of my very survival, I’ve mentally divided the season into separate but incredibly unequal parts.

The first phase let’s call “Unbridled Optimism of the Spring”. This is when the team reports to Spring Training and all of last season’s problems have been burned off by the magic of a really Hot Stove. This phase is also felt by Kansas City Royal fans, rendering it meaningless.

This year, the second phase was titled “Yeah, My Team Sucks”. I’d rather not dwell on this phase.

Then…oh my god then, the Twins and I went way down yonder on the Chattahoochie. Not only did we learn how to swim…we learned who we was…we learned a lot about living…and a little ‘bout love. That’s right, right now I love this team, and their sudden ability to wake-up and piss excellence. And I very much want it to stay that way…so I’m ending this phase, “It Couldn’t Possibly Get Any Better…Could It?”

Everything from here on out, not even spider monkeys, can dampen the stone cold fox of a ride this team has taken me on.

Home Stretch

By far the best thing NASCAR has given to pop culture is the term above, with the possible exception of Ricky Bobby (Shake and bake, baby. Shake and bake). But as the last landmarks of summer slip away, and I have once again begun to pore over Twins online print, it has just occurred to me that that's where we are. The home stretch. And I am officially praying to little tiny baby Jeebus, as we speak.

Of course no one would want to see what the Twinks are up to in The Trop yesterday, so I was loyally and diligently GameCasting myself into a tizzy over 1) the ascendance of Boof (good title for my first novel), 2) a baffling lack of recent Twins O(h crap another dp)ffense, and 3) 6 Flags of Rondell White (you've never been on a ride this frightening), I was reflecting on the Twins remaining games and once again starting to feel very, very optimistic.

It can't last.

Once the (once mighty?) Ligers are stared down and split with, and another home series with Oakland, there is a mighty nice little stretch of games before the Showdown with the Sox to finish the season. It goes like this: 4@CLE (given up), 3@BOS (imploding - sorry Pooh), 3@BAL (that guy can't hit three home runs in a game again, right?), 4vs.KC (is it good that this is the most worrisome series of this stretch? Here's hoping for an influx of minor league "talent" to the KC roster before this). Not too shabby.

I am chartreuse with optimism.

(it's like 'green with envy' silly)

Anyone But...

After the second straight Red Sox Weekend Debacle, (and it was apparently even worse than a mere sweep:

[I]f you follow baseball, you know what kind of weekend it was. In a nutshell, the Red Sox were as pathetic as pathetic gets. Friday in particular was perhaps the worst major league game I've ever seen - the Red Sox made the kind of errors that one usually only sees in Little League.

Of course, there was the notable instance in July 2004, when after another Sawx collapse in Seattle, Papa Pooh described them as "beer league." This insult seemed to galvanize the club, and we all know what happened next...Ok, not a chance...) I needed a little chicken soup for a baseball fan's soul. The Twinks taking 2 if 3 in Chicago helped some. As did the fact that BabyJesusJoe Mauer was getting MVP props on ESPN radio last night. But really, what I really needed was some good old fashioned Yankee Hate.

Enter ESPN's Jim Caple, and his rather unhinged polemic "The Devil Wears Pinstripes". Yes the jokes are recycled (Steinbrenner is an ass; Billy, Mickey and Whitey were drunks; Joe DiMaggio (referenced primarily as "Mr. Coffee") was a total prick and Jeter sleeps around), but that doesn't stop the from being funny.

Plus it's occassionally nice to be reminded of exactly why the MFY's are so easy to hate. Remember in 2004 when the Devil Rays were late arriving to a game in NYC because of a hurricane. And the Yankees demanded a forfeit victory? Against the Devil Rays. There is also the evil of the YES Network (AKA Yank-Jazeera) including the absolutely egregious homerism of all Yankee announcers.

In the end, not a great book, (it reads like the world's longest Page 2 column, longer even than a "think-piece" by Gregg Easterbrook) but it reminds me that even my Sawx tank, and the Twins battle for the Wild Card, no matter what happens, I'll always have a team to cheer for. Whoever is playing the Yankees.

Twins = Freedom!

Word

All I need is a PB&J sandwich

It's was July 1987 and my family was making the move back to the Twin Cities. I was sitting on the floor off our new kitchen, eating a PB&J sandwich watching the movers and various family members bring in box after box of dishes, towels, clothes, linens and most importantly GI Joe equipment. Not toys, equipment. Honestly, I was not very excited to move from the hallowed halls for Fellows Elementary School in Ames, IA and needed something to get me excited about this new house. That spark, that excitement, that edge of your seat anticipation was provided by some unlikely neighbors. I like to think of them as "Our Squad", most others know them as Puckett, Gietti, Hrbek, Brunansky, Gagne, Viola, Blyleven even Niekro and Reardon. The upcoming run to that Twins first World Series title and subsequent cold, but oh so delightful ticker tape parade (and day off from school) hooked me to this sport.

We are now in the midst of something very similar to that summer of 1987. This new group of Twins has me feeling so optimistic. We are again chasing the Tigers (now mighty again), with the Twins coming off a disappointing start to the season. Our hometown leader's name is Mauer this time around and his out-of-town hitting partner is played by Morneau. Blyleven and Viola are now known as Radke and Santana. Randy Bush and Al Newman look a lot like Punto and Tyner. With the Boston and Chicago pitching staffs falling apart and Boston seemingly cracking underneith the pressure of the mighty Yankees (maybe the Curse took a year off), how sweet it will be.

All I need is a PB& J sandwich, some Doritto's, a glass of milk, a warm Saturday afternoon and Herb's voice calling the shots. It's like 1987 all over again.

Ticker Tape

Update to yesterday's post and latest market returns:

JWBJE up 6 and an 1/8th

LLE holding steady and awaiting stockholders report on Friday

Here's hoping Carlos Silva's sinker is the only thing hitting bottom tonight.

Breather

The Twinigmatics are more recondite than usual of late, and no doubt enjoying a nice rest (or siesta for the Venezuelans) here on the one day of the last 32 in which the schedule gods have decreed baseball shomer shabbos. Despite some claims to the contrary, those of us at Tuesdays With Torii are NOT in fact, jumping ship or wagon. We feel entitled to our emotional outbursts of a roller coaster nature, yet still exist as fanatical day-traders in the market of hope run by Terry Ryan and Ron Gardenhire, which has been more bearish than bullish of late. For sale right now, hope futures with good long-term potential like LLE (Liriano Left Elbow), RLRFG (Radke Last Run For Glory), JWBJE (Johan Will Be Johan Eventually) and STELATS (Short Term Emotional Let-down After Tiger's Series). The prospectuses (prospectum? prospecti?) we read tell us not to worry -- the Sox and Sox have issues too. We don't make snap decisions. We don't jerk knees. We keep the faith and rely on long-term returns. Put me down for 10,000 and I'll call you next week to put some more Garza's away for my first-born's college education.

If You're Not First, You're Last

Syzygy, it's not just for female college ultimate players anymore.















No, this time it was stars aligning -- stars in the form of emergent white dwarf Justin Morneau and super giant Joel Zamaya throwing pure stellar wind and black hole gravity bending curveballs from which not even Pedro Serrano post-"F@#* you Jobu" could escape. A nice post over at Gleeman on the significance of Morneau's performance thus far and potential place in Twins history. Killebrew was the Tyco Brahe of astronomical Twins power hitting and Justin is following very copernicilliously in his footsteps so far.

Speaking of black holes -- er, sucking rather -- this happened last night too. Apparently (I don't want to hear about) Papelbon is not so supernova-like after all. If the Royals getting our backs isn't evidence of some bizarre cosmic machinery, what is?

Even the star-fillled, over-hyped, Ursa Major of baseball is helping out the cause now.

Will we finally get to see some big flaming gas balls from Matt Garza this weekend? Smith will get another start on Saturday, so I'll put the over/under on Garza's appearance at about the 3rd inning.

A whole post full of astronomical metaphors and I didn't once mention Randy Moss's full moon. Aren't you proud of me?

Elbow Juice

Is that the Twins playoff chances I see in that hearse?
Star Tribune today.

Statheadz, Bitches

Since I haven't thanked the Twins for Big Papi yet this week, allow me to do so in a roundabout fashion by bashing this post bashing Papi's clutchness. Now, I'm on board with you if you are going to argue that conventional baseball statistics don't prove the existence of some form of "clutch hitting" ability.

The problem is, when you write your anti-Ortiz screed, you probably don't want to run directly contrary to many of the points made in the book advertised at the top of your page. Especially when you are trying to make stathead arguments...

For example, Sussman makes the standard "lineup protection" argument:

Also, if the pitcher opts not to pitch to Ortiz, he'll have to answer to the next batter, Manny Ramirez, another extremely dangerous hitter. The timid closer has to pick his poison, and usually he chooses Ortiz over Manny plus a baserunner. Meanwhile, Pujols' backup hitter is Scott Rolen, another great .300 batter. But who instills more fear: Rolen or Ramirez?

If you swapped Pujols' and Ortiz's red uniforms, the clutch moments would be the same.

I'm not doubting the Great Pujols, but first of all that's an asinine counterfactual. Secondly, "Baseball Between the Numbers" specifically debunks the lineup protection canard. From two directions - first it notes that there are almost no situations when it makes statistical sense (and not just 'max runs sense,' but Herm Edwardsian 'win the game' sense) to "pitch around" somebody that occur in an actual game. And those situations which do occur all involve 2001-2004 Barry Bonds. Secondly, there are no demonstrable "protection effects" - hitters do not perform better with a better hitter hitting behind them - or at least there is no demonstrable effect of that nature.

And then there is the confusion of "what is clutch?"

And while Ortiz gets singled out as the greatest clutch hitter, Manny Ramirez is 16-for-44 (.364) with RISP and two out. The Mets' David Wright bats .368 (21-for-57) in those same situations. The Rangers' Hank Blalock is a stunning .400 (24-for-60) with more RBI than any of the aforementioned clutch hitters in those situations, but Blalock simply isn't a home run hitter.

And isn't it odd that clutch hitters seem to be synonymous with "hitting a walk-off home run?" Clutch should come in many forms. Blalock is living proof.

As far as it goes, RISP/2 out is a nice enough stat but A) small sample size, B) it counts runner on second with 2 down in the top of the first in a scoreless game the same as 2nd and 3rd, down one, in the bottom of the ninth. These are so obviously different that a metric which treats them equally is borderline useless.

Much better, I might suggest, is measuring performance as a change in the expected winning percentage before and after an at-bat. In a portion chapter from "BBTN" excerpted which was not reprinted by ESPN, it specifically discusses how Ortiz out-performed a generic hitter (with his raw stats) by, if I remember correctly, more than 7 wins. To put it another way, all other things being equal, if Papi distributed his very same performance in an average way, the Sawx would have been 7 games worse last year, missed the playoffs and not gotten swept by fat-ass Bobby Jenks.

All this is a rather long-winded way of saying that "BBTN" is a darn fine book - certainly a better presentation of the Baseball Prospectus approach than was the rather scattershot "Mind Game" - I've only covered a tiny bit of the content, which concern everything from Derek Jeter's overrated fielding (his nickname should be "PastADiving" since so many grounders are hit well...), Alex Rodriguez being overpayed (by a bunch, it turns out - though he came close to showing a profit for the Yankees last season) or whether a new stadium is 'worth it' for the public (answer? Hide your checkbooks, kids - a thunderous "no.")

All in all, a fine demonstration into just how far SABREmatics have come in breaking down the inner workings 0f the game of baseball.

We Got Trouble, Right Here In River City...

...with a capital 'T', and that rhymes with 'D', and that stands for....Disabled List?

Radke's shoulder, Liriano's forearm, Gardy's tummy, and Lohse's brain (oh right). What the *bleep* is going on here? Some numbers:

21-2 : Twins record the previous two homestands
19-2: Combined score of the first two home games in August

Stop sucking.

Trouble in Denmark? Is relief no longer spelled R-O-L-A-I-D-S, but G-A-R-Z-A? It sure as hell can't be spelled Mike Smith, even against KC. How will our heroes escape this nefarious situation?

Bert, The Hawk, Yount and McGuire

I know this is supposed to be a blog of our beloved Twins, but there are so many articles right now about Hall of Fame voting and whether or not the 2007 class will/should include McGuire. Rob Neyer of ESPN.com recently sent out a survey to a bunch of sports writers about this subject and commented on the results. I find the most interesting piece to be the comments left by those who returned the survey. Some good points (see Hoynes & Nightengale comments) and some bad points ("if not for the HR's, he wouldn't be HOF callaber" & "if you're not good enough for 1st ballot, why are you good enough for the 5th?"). Here's Smitty's take on it all:

HOF voting is like whether Courtney Olson or Anna Siebert is more attractive or whether a freshman should start at quarterback, popularity and politics. Whether or not McGuire took juice is not a good enough reason to keep him from consideration. If we assume he took steriods, we should also assume pitchers took steroids. Isn't that fair? Therefore doesn't that level the "playing field"? Why aren't more people questioning why 35 plus year old pitchers are dominating (Clemens), wearing blood socks (Schilling) and still way better then average (Mussina, Johnson and Rivera)?

One comment in particular made me call BS, "he was only an HR guy". Sure, that is what he was more known for, but let's look at some other all-time greats. Robin Yount is in the Hall. His numbers ant that spectacular. 250 HR, 1400 RBI, .285 BA but he has the hits. He was only a hit guy, only hit over .300 6 times in 20 seasons. Pete Rose was only a hit & run guy. Career average .285 (that would be higher if he didn't hold on for so long), he only stole 198 bases in 24 seasons, and hit 198 HR. Let's look at some similar players, McCovey and Killabrew. McCovey (22 seasons - .270, 521 HR, 1555 RBI, 1345 BB, 1229 runs) & Killabrew (22 seasons - .256, 573 HR, 1584 RBI, 1559 BB, 1283 runs) stats are very similar to McGuire's (16 seasons - .263, 583 HR, 1414 RBI, 1317 BB, 1167 runs).

To sound like the great Gammons: Look, my issue is not IF he should be in the hall, it's the rationale behind it. I don't think it's fair to punish McGurie for all the false comings of baseball, the owners and his peers. If so many players took steroids, including pitchers mind you, why not compare him to the rest of the players in his era? He surely was one of the more feared hitters in his day, was really a good fielder (over .990 for most of his career) and deserves serious thought. Neyer points out that there is no uniform opinion on the rules during this time and that fault belongs to baseball, the owners and The Players Association's. They should shoulder as much if not more blame for this mockery of the game.

To the person(s) who comment that "if not a 1st ballot, then never" I say do your homework and formulate your own opinions then players like Bert and Dawson so they won't be left off the HOF for so long. All they did was produce, produce HOF numbers and do it through out their career with class. If Yount, Gary Carter, Ryan Sandberg, Gaylord Perry and Don Sutton deserve to be in the Hall, the writers need to stop with the popular vote, do the homework and see these too need to be in the Hall. Oh, Anna and Courtney are equally as hot, I voted for Courtney. She plays volleyball.

This Land Is Their Land

Unacceptable to Twindom: Losing a key series at home to a team made-up of overpriced sluggers who sit back and play for the longball.

Slightly more acceptable to Twindom: Losing a key series at home to a team that appears to play baseball the “right” way.

Let’s face it…getting beat at your own game is much easier to swallow…particularly when your organization has been credited with being the “blueprint” for success. Strong pitching, tough defense, occasional hitting. (Remember last year…when we even lauded the hated White Sox because they finally came to their senses and embraced pitching and defense over hitting…nevermind the pesky fact that they hit 200 home runs)

And this weekend, we finally embraced the fact that this is not your mother’s Tom Selleck’s Detroit Tigers.

The most glaring example of this came early in the weekend, when, during Game 1, Jason Kubel attempted to bunt Justin Morneau over to second base. It wasn’t a terrible effort, but most likely heading for foul territory…however, before it could reach the land of the great do-over, Brandon Inge charged in, fielded the ball, and, with his body now in foul territory, threw out The Fightin’ Canadian at second. There was still much baseball to be played (including the continuing coming-out party), but that moment was when the Detroit Tigers showed the Twins that they are now your sister’s Tom Selleck’s Detroit Tigers…and they don’t mind dating Courtney Cox right up in your face.

By the time Powder had his 8th inning meltdown on Sunday, the division had long since been decided.


(Saturday’s game was dead to me…as I instead went to see Jolie Holland at the Varsity Theater…possible review to follow)

Update: (And here it is)

Final Salvo

As several members of the editorial staff will be sweating and hacking our way around several Mississippi River area golf courses this weekend, just a quick note. First, the weekend series with Detroit is downright salivatacious. Double saliva for the pitching matchups. I say we win two out of three.

Lastly, check out a great article on F-Bomb from USA today, as mentioned elsewhere too. A nice little inside look which answers some good questions like, "What the F were you thinking San Francisco Giants?" Here's my favorite quote:

"When we saw him in mid-April, I couldn't believe he was in the bullpen," Oakland A's designated hitter Frank Thomas says. "I was saying, 'If they got five starters better than him, I'll kiss your a—.' He's unbelievable."

Catch you on the flip side.

'Nuff Said

There really is very little to add that Jon Gordon, Barreiro, Karl Ravech, Harold Reyn...whoops, John Kruk's testicle, Dark Star, Dubay, or Dazzle haven't already, so I will instead just lay here splayed out on my couch basking in the afterglow and fighting off an overwhelming sleepiness. And why is it that the Twins always want to "talk about things" afterwards? Don't you know that is seepy time?

On a good note, as a committed environmentalist, at least the White Sox bandwagon should be much lighter and therefore getting much better gas mileage after all the folks abandoning ship.

Other things:

Freaking steroid boy

Bat-Girl on FIRE today

A nice piece at TwinsGeek on a subject that Hops brought up sometime back

And finally, I just became aware of the fact that we still have 11 games remaining with the Royals. I think I just got "excited" again...

I'm Okay to Go. I'm Okay to Go

Still giddy following yesterday's anticipation-filled (or was that anticipation-fueled) day, and the game itself did nothing to disappoint. There's little better than playoff atmosphere in July, if for nothing else then to bridge the gap til NFL preseason. Justkiddingnotreally. Contreras was filty, Santana filthier, and Jason Bartlett the filthierest. But being that today's game is a getaway version, and Carlos S(erve)i(t up)lva is pitching, all this happy horse-hooey might be short lived. Better to get this feeling down on e-paper before it's past.

I don't know if anyone caught it, but last night's game was a momentous event in physics history. We saw the first definable evidence of what is called an Einstein-Rosen bridge, or more commonly "wormhole". You remember Jodie Foster flying through one of those from Contact. Anyway, there was clearly one present in left field, as seemingly routine pop outs left the screen from the center field camera view and were all of the sudden dropping over the fence like Tom Hanks in The Burbs. Even Jason Bartlett agreed, "I popped it up," Bartlett said. "I thought it was an out. I was kind of ticked, but the [immutable laws of physics] blew it out." Jose Contreras commented also, "[Stupid space-time continum. I'd like to kick the crap out of some physicist]." Someone alert Stephen Hawking.

About last night's game, Ozzie (Guillen, not the guy from MTV) said this:
"One thing about the Minnesota Twins," White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said, "that's what they are right there: great pitching, clutch hitting and great defense. And I think that's the reason those guys have had success for so many years."

Well actually Ozzie, that's more than one thing.

Okay, okay, all this hope and expectation can't be good for me. I'm now downgrading from giddy to cautiously optimistic. Oh crap, I just read this. Giddiness rising...rising.

Funny Math

Really? REALLY?

This


















is now equivalent to this?














I kind of hate you A-Job, but tell me tell me you are less of a mental midget than Blauchhead.

No one else is excited for tonight, right?

Drawing of the 3…Wild Card Edition:

What a coincidence…the Twins play three games against the White Sox, starting today, and they are three games behind them in the chase for Bud Selig’s Only Beneficial Contribution to Baseball.

Expected pitching match-ups:

B-Rad v. Javier Vazquez
Gotta have this one

Jo-heezy v. Jose Contraras
Woah nelly! Hide grandma and the kids for this one folks, we’re in for a barnburner

Carlos (undeserving of a nickname) Silva v. Mark Buehrle
I’m betting Jacque Jones goes 0-4

I suppose you have to pencil in at least two well-pitched games for the Twins in this series, based on recent history…but it’s the whoopin’ sticks that will tell the tale in this series. The Twins’ bats have to show up in this series…I’m looking at you Michael Cuddyer. The Twins made a habit out of, while winning three straight division titles, punching their division rivals in the mouth any time someone dared to threaten the streak. But now the roles are reversed, and the Twins need to avoid a similar fate. We know this team is built on pitching…but I’d love to see Morneau out-slug Thome. And it’d be nice if someone would just plain slug A.J. , again.

Speaking of being built on pitching…the kid’s going to be just fine.

Speaking of speaking of pitching, like most teams in the race the Twins find themselves pining after more starting pitching. The oddnicity of it all is that the number one player they’d like to move to get that starter is…another starting pitcher. (Kyle Lohse, come on down!). Is it possible to upgrade starting pitching in the same deal that you’re attempting to dump starting pitching? Well…it has been done. But is a similar opportunity available for the proverbial “change of scenery” this year? Do they really need another starter? How about a bat?

One week until the (non-waiver) trade deadline…do you think the Twins will make a move?

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?

If Nick Punto lived on my block,
The neighborhood association would fine him for improper lawn care due to all the games of hotbox he plays with the neighborhoods kids. (Kids=Lew Ford)

If Johan Santana lived on my block,
I’d have to shoo Bat-Girl, her plaid lawn chair and her binoculars off of my lawn on a daily basis.

If Francisco Liriano lived on my block,
I’d never get any sleep because the fire alarms would go off all night while F-Bomb dreamed of striking out more and more dirty White Sox.

If Brad Radke lived on my block,
I guarantee you that the neighborhood kids would ALWAYS ask him to pitch to them during street waffle-ball games.

If Kyle Lohse lived on my block,
He’d stay inside all the time, eventually turning into a sad character we just refer to as Boo Frequently.

If Michael Cuddyer lived on my block,
I would wonder why rabbits would be constantly appearing and disappearing from his lawn.

If Joe Nathan lived on my block,
I’d always laugh at how little he paid for A.J.’s old house.

If Shannon Stewart lived on my block,
I’d ask him to throw me my newspaper as he walked by every morning, and then laugh when it dropped three feet in front of me. Every time.

If Torii Hunter lived on my block,
He would organize block parties and neighborhood bbq’s, and everyone would love him. But all would secretly wonder if we’d be better off with someone who was just a little better at planning and coordinating.

If Joe Mauer lived on my block,
I’d be living in St. Paul.

Shock Me, Shock Me, Shock Me with that deviant behavior

On the subject of shocking things, there is always a continuum. On one end are totally obvious things like this, that are fully anticipated -- nay demanded -- in every way. And on the other end are things like Francisco Liriano being left off "Take 1!" of the All-Star team.

I voted for him 37 times the day before the All-Star break. Actually it was in the last ten minutes. And I voted once during that time for that Ramon Hernandez guy. I felt bad for him.

Something that shocking makes a guy turn bitter about otherwise meaningless things like A.J. shilling for himself on Crappiest Darn Activities Program and ponder things like, "Damn it! There's got to be a better way! How about a new policy for All-Star voting next year!? Fans are required to pass a knowledge test to be 'vote eligible' -- no googling allowed." Sort of a philosopher kings baseball voting oligarchy. And this seems like a totally implementable and reasonable idea at the time.

However more shocking than all that has been something I've seen while watching the Twins the past two games, once live and once broadcast (because it's not a standard random sample otherwise). Now my shock is statisticaly significant with a super duper p-value. This something is two players rising to the occassion to carry the Twins while emergency staffers are paged and hurried into the HCMC pro sports wing to rehab the major part of the Twinks outfield.

It's this:






And this:







No, R. White and N. Punto are not Farsi for Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer, and yes F-bomb was da bomb during that first game, but there is something uber-fantastic about guys like this coming up huge in the clutch. And this is not your "normal" clutch, but a slightly less critical clutch, when toes are cracked and plantars are fasciated. and you need other guys to step into roles they are previously unaccustomed to. At this point in the season, Joe Mauer would have to hit with his feet or butt cheeks to get me to notice another single into right field, and I need at least 16 K's from Santana to remember that he should have won the last two Cys. And even though Francisco should arguably be the frontrunnner for this year's Cy, the neckbeard was slightly higher on the list of noticeable achievements yesterday than the 8 2/3 innings shutout, but just below the performance of my new favorite men in navy, blue, and white...

Plus, Rondell does VERY well with the ladies I hear.

The Naysayer, The Frontrunner and The Critic - an intro

Allow myself to introduce myself as the newest, insider-outsiderest member of the TWT staff. Though I have great affection for the Twins, having spent ten of my formative years in the Mini-apple, my true allegiances lay with the team of my father and his father before him, and so on and so forth. Which is a roundabout way of saying PAPELBON!

Essentially, I see my role here as three-ply. First, as this is a 'literary baseball' blog (or has at least 3 authors counting myself with enough pretentiousness to claim to be 'literary') and I read baseball books, lots of them, I'll pass on my thoughts. I joyfully take recomendations, though my interests tend to run more towards the workings of the game than the biographical. This is not to say everything will be Bill Jamesian (one of my favorite works of all time is Roger Kahn's The Head Game, which is about as far from SABREmetric as one gets. But it did teach me how to properly grip a slider, a curveball or a circle-change.

Secondly, it seems that the romantacism of the Twins adulation needs to be moderated with small doses of large-market realism. Now it's not going to be all Sawx, all the time, (I'll try to keep my daily mood swings, largely matching the swings in the standings vis-a-vis the M-F'in Yankees [hereafter simply MFY's] to my own place) but consider me the resident cranky skeptic.

Finally, at least once a month, I'm here to thank the Twins:

All Rondell All The Time

Tuesday's line...2-3, BB, RBI, Run scored.

Mr. Nice Guy's resurgence continues to block the all-but-done deal between the Twins and the Marlins...Kyle Lohse for Miguel Cabrera. Straight-up. No seriously, I mean it. It totally makes sense for both teams. Damn you and your excellence, Mr. White.

Minnesota Twins See-and-Say

Rondell White Says,

"It's on like Donkey Kong, Bitches"

Ghost of Dave Kingman to the rescue

All it took to shake Rondell White out of his maxi-slump was a little visit from the Gods of the Metrodome. The divine hand of Dave Kingman himself was seen covering the eyes of Todd Hollandsworth when, during the 4th inning R. White launched a lazy fly toward left field. Blinded by baseball history, Todd had no choice but to let the ball fall harmlessly to the turf*...giving the nicest guy on the team a "double". So what, you say? It's only one hit, you say? No, no, no. Next time up for Nice Guy Rondell? Home Run. Yep, all three bases and home plate included in one swing of the bat.

And you want to get rid of the Metrodome. Fools.

First half winners

Now that I've done my research, tallied my votes and looked at my baseball cards, thought I would put the first half winners and potential playoff teams together.


AL:

MVP - It's between two guys and I'm voting for Papi because he's team is winning and the guy means wins for the club in the clutch. I think Hafner deserves a look based on his numbers (seriously, look at them, slugging, OPS, everything) but Cleveland sucks. No pitching. Papi is so important to that team, the most important player. I don't want to hear about Paplebon.

CY Young - Two guys again and I'm a rube so Liriano is my winner. Completely dominate, leaders in K's and hasn't even hit 100 innings pitched. Plus, guys aren't getting hits off him. Leader in ERA, double digit wins, partial year starter, awesome. Please don't turn into Woods or Prior. Second guy deserving a look, Roy Halloday. 12-2, 3.08 or something ERA, awesome. I don't want to hear about Paplebon, too many awesome starters.

ROY - Well, if he gets Cy's award, he gets this one. I don't want to hear about Paplebon.

Comeback Player - I'm giving this to Thome. His numbers are insane, 30 HR, 77 RBI. Might think about Schilling, but people thought Thome's career was done, definately not going to be like this. Problem, he was in the NL last year, but who really cares.

Playoffs (AL)
East: Boston - I will not vote for the Yankees, plus their pitching is terrible and Matsui/Sheffield are gone. If they can get a hitter, maybe, but I think the Angels should go get Liriano and the Yankees got nothing in the minors to trade. I also think the Blue Jays have a better shot.

Central: Chicago - I think their pitching is better then the Tigers. Tigers guys just alittle too young.

West: Who cares, but I'll go with the Angels. If Harden comes back healthy and the A's remember you do have to hit in baseball, maybe them. Angels pitching staff is too tough, but the need a bat.

Wildcard: Go Kittie's. Tigers will make it.


NL:

MVP - Puljols. Means way too much oh and he's number are ridulous. Still leading in RBI, second in HR, over .310 average, OPS off the carts and missed 15 games. Wright is a consideration, but take him off the team and they are still winning a ton (see Beltran & Reyes).

CY Young - B. Webb in AZ. Double digit wins, under 3 ERA, been the best pitcher in the NL. He wins in AZ which is impressive. Plus, can you hit that curveball??

ROY - Someone on the Marlins needs this award and I'm going with Uggla. Putting up some rediculus numbers as a second baseman. 13HR, 51 RBI, .303 AVE, 57 runs, nice. Too bad Marlins fans suck, but I think their GM is a genious. Construct a team, win WS, destroy team, rebuild, win WS. Just think if baseball had a salary cap, he'd be top GM.

Comeback - Two guys deserve this award and because he has a higher average right now and is married to Mia, I'll give it to Nomar. He frustrates me cause I've drafted him the last two years, been angered by that, chose to not even look at him this year and he's good again. Big ups to Rolen. Back to normal for him. I think he's top 5 all around best 3B's of all time, but we'll go with Mr. Hamm this year.

Playoffs (NL)
East: duh, Mets. Bigger question here is when do the Braves unload some people?? Smolz, Chipper, Giles?? Now those are some players with value.

Central: I suppose the Cards. Better balance of hitting in pitching. Reds and Brewers wont be there and the Astro are in the same box as the A's, no hitting. Huff is nice, but he's no Beltran of a few years back. Plus, Clemens can't hit like he pitches. I wonder if Glen Davis is around??

West: Again, who cares but I'll go with the Padres. Dodgers are too young, everyone else sucks. If Bonds could hit, maybe the Giants.

Wildcard: This one was tough, but I'll go with the Dodgers over the Astros due to their ability to score sometime.

Kyle Lohse to front Fleetwood Mac

Rumors flying around that the White Sox are putting Freddy Garcia and Javier Vazquez on the trading block? What does this mean for the Twins? Well, other than a White Sox trade will likely strengthen their pitching staff (adding relief help)...it means the market for Kyle Lohse just got a hell of a lot dryer. Both of the White Sox pitchers would be more attractive than Lohse to just about any team. C'mon, Mr. Ryan...hit someone with your magic stick.

Smitty has threatened a "Billy Beane is not all he's cracked-up to be" post. Which has me thinking...should the Twins enter into the trade market with an asset that may actually be valuable to someone? Or are we just hoping they jettison dead weight? What happens to any trade discussions of Lohse that also suddenly include Juan Rincon? Does a team destined (we'll see in three weeks how destined) for third place need a stud set-up man? Especially a team rich in minor league pitching? The Twins appear to be primed for a nice little run...if they can tie-up some of the young talent that is showing up this year. So does it make sense to trade someone at the top of their game for a young hitter or starter from another organization? I think it does. No trade of Shannon Stewart or Kyle Lohse gets you anything in return...unless you add value.

Smitty...am I being too Beane-ish?

Tid Bits

A few things that have been stuck at the bottom of the notebook for today.

*Congrats to the Franchise. And let me take this opportunity to say screw you AJ. Punch AJ indeed. I'm looking in your direction Delmon Young.

*What was your favorite Ruben Sierra moment? "Injury-plagued" is the best we can come up with? Agreed. I'd put him somewhere between rivers of blood and frogs raining from the sky. Maybe a nice drought. Oh wait, we already have one of those.

I found a Barry Bonds rookie card on eBay. Check it out:













*Congrats to the A.L. All-Star squad. They just keep beating N.L. teams like it's going out of style -- in fact, they haven't lost in a decade. And eerily, three years ago, a Texas Rangers hitter won the All-Star game against an N.L. closer with 0 blown saves in 31 chances (heading into the break). That would be Eric Gagne of rec-spec fame. Hoffman had blown 1 save in 25 going into last night. Bang up job Michael Young.

Everybody Loves the Sound of a Train in the Distance

http://www.startribune.com/503/story/537744.html

Okay, time to bash my second favorite radio station. As many people have read/heard, this website’s favorite franchise is most likely leaving the good neighbor and moving the broadcasts of their games to KSTP. As much as I think ‘CCO has done nice work for the Twins, I have very few problems with this move. I do, however, have a problem with WCCO’s on-air response thus far. Their on-air personalities waged (past tense ‘cuz I’m hearing less and less every day) a grassroots campaign to malign the Twins’ braintrust and their rationale for changing broadcast partners. The main point, as I heard it? Loyalty. WCCO has broadcast the Twins’ games for the last 46 years. WCCO has been a loyal partner to the organization. WCCO stuck with the team during the “down” years.

Hooey.


Where were the complaints about ‘loyalty’ when the Twins were threatening to leave the state for Portland, Las Vegas, or North Carolina? Were WCCO and its employees the only folks that were loyal to the Twins for the last 46 years? The loyalty card only comes up now that the Twins are preparing to leave WCCO, not the state. How the worm turns.

The Minnesota Twins have been attempting to blackmail the state of Minnesota into buying them a stadium for the last ten years. Their leading instrument of propaganda? WCCO radio. With verying levels of bullshit, every single broadcast personality on the good neighbor has helped the Twins shill for a stadium. From the ludicrous ($0.03 for every $20) to the funny (cold Omaha) to the reasonable (simply the cost of doing business)…WCCO has been heralding a new stadium as a necessity to keep the franchise here and happy. Fine. Annoying, but fine. I disagree completely, but fine.

But you can't complain when the same tactics you've been a large part of are now being used on you. You just can't.

WCCO’s motives all along were to keep a very large part of their local business model in tact…it was never about 46 years of loyalty. (Do you think the station was losing money during those “down” years?) And there’s nothing wrong with that…but why do people believe that WCCO and Minnesota are inexorably tied together? Good marketing, that’s why.

Let’s not forget who owns WCCO radio. C.B.S. (or whatever we’re calling the parent company) The idea that the Twins demands are somehow unaffordable for WCCO is ridiculous. This is two very large companies having a pissing contest. Don’t try and sell me on loyalty.

Now if you want to make an argument about moving to a station that employs this guy…I’m all ears.


Coincidentally, there’s an article about Danny Gladden and his evolution as a broadcaster in the Minneapolis Star Tribune today. Very nicely written, it manages to hit a few spots that have confused me for quite some time. I’ve always liked Gladden as an announcer, and always thought he was terrible at it. Does that make any sense? Wherever I’m listening to the Twins next year…I’m hoping he’s part of the broadcast. But I’m also hoping he gets better. Now, if only someone can explain where "Dazzle" came from?



Leftovers:
We’ve failed Sr. Filthiano

In related news…Michael Barrett is being added to the NL squad.

Kids, never drink in the daytime. Someone may film it.
Severe alcoholism...that's the only explanation I can come up with.

So I'm reading ESPN.com and notice an article about the Atlanta Braves. It pointed out how they will not be winning their, what, 15th straight division title. Duh. What pissed me off was the picture of four out of shape, Atlanta fans with paper-bags on their heads with some random blah, blah, blah written on each bag. Terrible. This is a perfect picture of the many stories I've heard about Atlanta sport fans. Not selling out Braves playoff games, not attending Thrasher games during their inaugural season, not caring about the Falcons until Mike Vick arrived (they did go to the Super Bowl in 1999, technically it was 1998 season) and now being embarrassed to be a Braves fan?? I would be embarrassed to sit next to any of those jokers. Buck up and support your team. If I were a team official, wouldn't want any of those guys back in the stadium. So, they should move. Go somewhere you will be loved and appreciated.

Next post .... Billy Beane you are good, but not great.

They're not 'Lewing' anymore

The baseball all-star game is the most interesting of all the major pro all-star games. Congratulations.

I do find the "final vote" process silly, however. If there's really four (or five) more guys that we think are deserving...just add them to the squad. Does it really matter? This isn't like diluting the hall-of-fame by electing unqualified players...it's an exhibition game. Whoops...sorry, Herr Selig...I forgot, IT COUNTS. Well then...having more players will reduce the chance the game will be ended by a P.A. announcement.

Silliness aside...go vote for Liriano. He's filthy dirty.

As far as I can tell...you're allowed to vote 16,000 times per email address.

(Oh yeah...the silliest part of the final vote? Lew Ford was eligible in 2004. Lew Ford...almost all-star. Right.)

Blog-sake

The twelve-miiliion dollar man comes through! Ii'd liike to thiink that hiis biig hiit yesterday was iin some small way due to the arriival of thiis blog. Ii've grown to appreciiate hiis abiiliity to hiit a breaking-ball that doesn't break siix miiles iinto the fluorescent ether.

Kids

One of the best, and at the same time worst, things about watching sports is seeing the continuous parade of youngsters coming up through the ranks to wow us daily, sending chills down our brittle and decaying spines and joints with every rim-rocking tomahawk jam or 450-foot jack. Knee-locking curveball? Mine would paint picket signs and leave immediately, shouting "Scab! Scab! Scab!" at my ankles on the way out the door.

Consider the following:

*Chairman Mauer (copywrite Batgirl) just went 5 for 5 last night, receiving TWO standing ovations (on hit four and five), the night after going 4 for 5 and raising his league-leading batting average to the lofty heights of .389 (leading by .023). I shudder to be the first to even mention Ted Williams and I certainly won't let the batting average starting with the letter 'f' leave my lips anytime soon. Did I mention that he's 23?

You know you're doing something right when you start getting your stats compared to Kirby Puckett and 2005 Derek Lee (a very good vintage).

*Frankie Franchise is now 8-1 with a 1.76 ERA this year. He's 22.

Let's hope he's not the Felix Hernandez of last year and set to have the rest of the league catch up with him next year.

*By the way, the two guys just mentioned above make a combined $727,000 this year.

*Johan Santana is leading the league in strikeouts, ERA, and third in opponents batting average and innings pitched. He's got one Cy Young and is slightly Al Gore-like in shoulding have won another. He's 27.

I'm HOW much older than these guys? Thank god they're on TV and therefore not real human beings for which to compare my athletic feats to....

Update: Another way none of us can compete with Joe Mauer
(via Star Tribune)

"I don't even know how to describe it anymore," said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire who joked that Mauer's uptick is the result of dating former Miss USA Chelsea Cooley. "It's pretty incredible the swings he's putting on the ball.

It's Not a Memo -- It's a Mission Statement

Quoting Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire these days seems almost as crazy as…well…Tom Cruise these days. But this is indeed a mission statement – and we intend to Draw-See-Think our way to enlightenment. As far as plans go, we hope it will guide us slightly better than say, neo-con nation building or playing baseball indoors– and maybe slightly worse than the brilliance of Jed Bartlett’s re-election campaign. At the very least, we will attempt to amuse ourselves and anyone who cares to check in on us.

A baseball season is a marathon and not a sprint – if not a marathon, at least one of those 10K thingy’s. It ebbs and flows. It pronates and supernates. It bleeds from the nipples. It’s sometimes Hank and sometimes Henry – and that could be Shakespearean or NeilYoungian – your choice. All this is a rather wordy way of saying that now that the Twins are back to .500…we’re excited again. And while the idea for this blog was germinated long ago…it will bloom NOW, alongside Justin Morneau’s hall-of-fame career.

Did we mention we’re Twins’ fans? And, historically speaking, recent ones. You know how they say that there is a window in which to appreciate jazz, or that martinis are an acquired taste? Well, that has very little to do with appreciating baseball. But it might suggest that appreciation comes in various guises – creeping in a petty pace for some of us while for others it was never any other way. We could pick the Killer, Carew, and even Bob Allison out of line-up. Though at the end of the day, we would drape ourselves in Teflon if it were socially acceptable. Blame it on long winters, blame it on Midwest provinciality…hell, blame it on pudgy centerfielders. But here we are. Two World Series championships. Too much Denny Hocking. It’s Terry Ryan’s world – we’re just living in it.

We have only two rules:

This will be a baseball blog.
This will not be a baseball blog.

And if we had to choose a third, it would be something about how spelling doesn’t count.

Baseball has had an influence on our lives (do you remember where you were when Barry couldn’t throw out Sid?)…but we will try our best to avoid generating the minutiae that results from dissecting EVERY missed sign or poring over rule 5 lists. Hell, we can barely read English, let alone Scotty Ulger. There have been other influences…Sega, Shakespeare, Vern Gagne, Bob Dylan, Norman Dale, and, of course, Tooter Snork. We will mention them often. We will quote Nietchshe. We will quote Ron Burgundy. We will make jokes about being fondled by Adam Smith’s invisible hand. We will sing “Stand Up and Shout” at the top of our lungs.

But only in save situations.

We hope you'll join us.

-The Management

We Waste Company Money By Reading:

Batgirl
Simmons
FreeDarko
Barreiro
Pooh, the Sethy kind
Pulling a Blyleven
Viva Rivas!
Third Base Line
Aaron Gleeman
Twins @ ESPN.com
Twinsbaseball.com
Twins @ KFAN page