If You Ain't Got Nuthin' Nice To Say....Don't Be a Twins Fan

I want so badly to write something about this team. I'm in the proverbial eye of the storm here in work-life balance, several taxing work weeks past me but with many more in sight, and the loomy mental monolith of homeownership...er...looming. So having significant free time to think and write about the '07 Twins is like gold Jerry, gold. But this team baffles me like none in recent memory, and I just don't have the words or thoughts (that might lead to words) within me.

Having a "love affair" with a team is not a new concept. That sports-as-relationship mythology is a common motif. But if I might abuse it again for just a second, this team is like a Match.com relationship when you're in the middle of a serious dating dry spell. There are seemingly no more options out there (I'm looking in your directions Wolves and Gophers), and your old girlfriend that you continue to go back to for occasional "benefits" has moved away temporarily (Vikings). You're desperate and lonely. So you keep the hope alive with the Twins because, you know, she does like John Irving novels after all, and gets drunk with you over sushi, and sure she's like a 6.5 or 7, but hey maybe that's enough. But you know, deep down in your heart, that for things to work out, it should just be a lot easier than this. You should just know she's the one -- at least for this year. Sorry, hope you kept my metaphors straight there, because I surely did not.

Anyway, the point is that on some gut level, it just hard to believe in this team this year. During the run last year, you just knew that they were on a tear. You knew that Johan would shut bitches down. You knew that Morneau-for-4 was finally a thing of the past. You knew that Joey Joe Joe would hit at least three grounders past the second baseman. So far this year, all I know for sure is that the Twins will score either NO runs or ELEVEN. Sorry to get all Owen Meany on your ass there, but seriously. This team has to have the largest standard deviation in run scoring history and it is driving me insane. Sucky or briliant...pick a freaking identity.

That is all.