The Post That Only David Ortiz Loves

The battle for DH…from the perspective of a selection of candidate body parts:


Jason Kubel’s knees ;

We know, we know…you think this is going to be a biased, unfair look at the “talent” of Jason Kubel. Well, guess what Ponch…you’d be wrong. You think just ‘cuz we’re attached to him we’d be in favor of him getting the job? Forget that, Junior…we’ve had enough. That’s right, we quit. And if you don’t think we’re serious, Tiger, just try trotting him out there for ONE more inning. It won’t take us long to prove to you, Sunshine, that we are NOT kidding around here. Seriously.



Craig Monroe’s hamstrings, calves, thighs, and pinky toes;

(giggling)Really? (giggling) The Twins signed (giggling), a former Tiger outfielder (giggling) with a history (giggling) of leg problems (giggling) to play in the Metrodome (intense giggling) AFTER (giggling) spending the last two years (giggling) “waiting” for Rondell White (giggling) to get healthy (hahahahahahahahahahahaha).





Garret Jones' third and fourth nipples;

We're out of options...see you in Minnesota, suckers!






Lew Ford’s harelip;

Hey…Japan can’t be that far from MN, right? I can be there in a flash! (Literally…I assume we’ll teleport)