Monday, November 06, 2006

Awards Season

There are people out there who think Derek Jeter was the Most Valuable Player in the American League last year. Well, those people…are wrong.

Derek Jeter wants you to believe he’s more American than Justin Morneau. Well that’s a flat-out lie. Mr. Jeter, just ‘cuz your jersey says “Yankee” on it…doesn’t mean you’re more American than anyone else. Including Canadians.

Derek Jeter wants you to believe he’s a “team” player. Well, listen to what Alex Rodriguez…his own teammate…has to say about that,

“Derek Jeter is no great teammate. I often requested that he cover the entire left side of the infield so that I could focus on my hitting. He refused. EVERY TIME.”

Derek Jeter wants you to believe he’s an ambassador for the game of baseball. Well, Mr. Jeter…how many languages do you speak? One?…hmph. Here are the linguistic abilities of the other leading candidates: David Ortiz…two languages. Frank Thomas…two languages. Justin Morneau…speaks sixteen languages. Derek Jeter…you’re not the kind of ambassador we want.

Derek Jeter wants you to believe he doesn’t like to eat puppies and kitties. Well, we’re here to tell you…Derek Jeter definitely likes to eat puppies and kitties.

Vote Justin Morneau…it will make you more of an American. A North American.


Kaiser said...

And really...aren't we ALL North Americans?

Smitty said...

Does that mean Mauer can be Vice MVP? They do live together.

crystal said...

But Jeter has such pretty green eyes! Morneau does have cute curly blonde hair and a nice ass, though. It's a tough call.

I guess the nice ass will get my vote this year, if only because I'm pretty sure Satan hides behind those green eyes.

Pooh said...

Well, he already got a gold glove he doesn't deserve, why not an MVP.

He's such a leader, he lead his teammates in throwing Slappy right under the bus. Nice job, son.