Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Importance of Being Goliath

First of all, before I go into rebutting the eminently rebuttable as espoused by J. Tall-Guy, belated congrats to Mr. Morneau. And by congratulations, I mean Suck It, Jeter. (Damn, that feels good even a month later. Get back to me at next year's All-Star Break, and it might still be fun). No, seriously, enjoy your ill-gotten Gold Gloves while chilling in your manse with Jessica Biel. I'm sure you feel terrible...

On to more pressing business, because in the Corleone-Epstein manner of conducting business, it's just business, never personal. You and others may look askance at the 51.1 milsky for the rights to "the Gun from the Rising Sun," but consider that the traditional econometrics of baseball do not apply to importation of a Japanese supernova. Not to be my normal technocratic self, but the usual models simply do not apply here. While a change to the 4th, 5th or 6th alternate away uniforms may convince some among us to purchase yet more Big Papi Paraphernalia, Red Sox Nation is pretty gear-saturated. Not so the land of Santori Times (ring-a-ding-ding, babe.) Literally a wide new frontier in which Manny can explore Just Being Manny in new and historically interesting ways. Plus, we own a cable network, you heard? I think they have TV in Japan. Just saying.

So, if it gets done, (for your 60th, Pops, I give you the gift that keeps on giving...) this isn't really as case of The Winners Curse, (J.D. freakin' Drew on the other hand, is), D-Mat is simply worth more to the BoSox than to any other team. I mean monetarily, rather than winning percentage of course. But it's just business, son, always business.

The wins and losses Matsuzaka brings will be nice (and I looove our rotation next year assuming Lester is anything close to what he did last season), but our Hundred Years War with the MFY's is, as all global conflagrations must be, fought on multiple fronts. And in this battle, Young Theo has not only kept the Steinbrennerian Nothing from advancing, he has outwitted and outlasted the dreaded Boras. In this offseason of insanity, where Gil Meche, and Juan Pierre, and Vincente Padilla get paid like MJ, how much would the free-market winner for Matsuzaka's signature have shelled out?

Peter Gammons ($, bitches) makes a good point as well:
Rather than the $103.1M over six years (combining the posting fee and the contract), the luxury tax the Red Sox pay is based on the contract alone -- six years, $52M.
So, not only did Theo screw the MFY's, he screwed the Twinks (of course nothing Theo can do can match the arrival of Sir Sid on that front), and the Royals, and the Pirates, and so on. There's only one word for this, and the word is "Awesome."

Being the bully is fun, I can not lie. But it's not really about that right now. Matsuzaka fires the imagination for some reason. Maybe it's the supposedly staggering innovation of his "gyro-ball" which allegedly carves the plate like the slash of a broadsword, dropping down and away from lefties. Or maybe it's the fact that all we really know of him is from grainy YouTube clips and Runyanesque, nay, Bunyonesque tales of ludicrous exploits. It's like it's 1986, and your squad just signed Arvydas Sabonis.


Tim said...

Point of clarification,

I like the Sawx's rotation as well, but who are we looking at? Schilling, Beckett, Matsuzaka, Lester, Paplebon or do they still have Wakefield?

Anyway, no matter who it winds up being it is certainly more formidable than Santana, Boof, uhhh, Garza, uhhhh, Silva, oh jeez, Scott Baker, oh dear God who else, Matt Guerrer? Les Straker? Has Frank Viola had any kids? Can Bert come from out of the booth? Jesus, is Ponson going to make the team?

Scary times.

Pooh said...

I think Wakefield is the #5 going into spring training with Lester coming out of the pen until we see what he's got. In other news, we picked up Brendan Donnelly today from the Angels, which is a move, his astro-goggles aside, I really like...

Anonymous said...

A 60th pour moi, you say. The gun from the rising sun, you say. . . . I heard that the success of Japanese ballers can be accurately projected from blood type, but alas, no info as to whether we got Ichiro hemo or pussey-toad juice---BIG DIFFERENCE! Also you mention Brendan the funny spec man, but, no a peep about Cesear--or whatever--Romero. He will certainly make us forget El Guappo. Of course, as you would kindly note, making me forget something is no great task. Ka-ching.

The Geezemon (formerly known as Papa Pooh)

Kaiser said...

Happy Birthday Geezemon!

You know, the thing about you front-running, large-market, blood-sucker types is that I envy your position to ACTUALLY have something to discuss during the off season. Meanwhile, Hops and I just call each other each day and report on how many days are left til pitchers and catchers report. Not as exhilirating as you might think. Kind of like joining a polar bear club in Florida and jumping into the kidding pool in March when the water is just below room temperature (like beer in England).

Hops said...


You had me until you compared the World Baseball Classic to the Zapruder film.

"...grainy YouTube clips..."

C'mon...I'm not saying the WBC was the true World Series...but we did get to see the kid pitch. And the kid pitched well.

I'm going to have to disagree with Kaiser about this off-season. In a year where Gil Meche became a penta-millionaire, I'm exceedingly happy that my guy has stayed on the sidelines. The Twinks may have lost in the first round last year...but they did MAKE the playoffs! (It seems to me a third place team should probably make a larger effort to improve their team than a division winner)

And by the way, we are returning the reigning AL's Cy Young

, MVP (paging Dr. Cox)

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, and sideburn champion


So it doesn't (always) bother me that Dr. Ryan decides to use the Butterfly Effect as his free-agency mantra. (When Tony Batista eats flapjacks in Japan, we feel the effects in Minnesota)

What WILL bother me is when The Dude

continues to try and play the underdog card even as we're defending our premature evacuation.

Kaiser said...

Hops is right. I've forgotten the "Credo (not Crede)" already. Bad me.

Pooh said...

In fairness, Hops, I had to make the comparison in order to bring Arvydas into the conversation. I think you'll forgive my hyperbole on that basis, right?