Picture Pages-Cleveland Indians

Hey Boof Bonser! Want your job back?



Another miserable series. Another lack of interest on my part to render visually my feelings about the Twins. There other things in baseball more exciting than losing to Cleveland's AAA team.





Tuesday:

Cleveland 1 Twins 0



"Ran into a buzzsaw" "give the pitcher credit" Pick your stupid cliche...simple fact, CC Sabathia has been mostly horseshit this year and he CG'd the Twins and their limp wanged lineup. You know who's man bits are feeling particularly strong these days? That's right...Chipper Jones! Have you been following Chipper's amazing career since Day 1? No? Well, me neither. Mostly because he plays in Atlanta, and everyone hates the Braves. And maybe a little bit because he constantly whines about the lack of respect we, the fans/media/hot southern women, bestow upon him. Well, Chipper...you're batting .414 in June and I think that's pretty fucking awesome. (Yes, The Big Puma is having a better season...but .400 is .400)





Wednesday:

Twins 8 Cleveland 5



Twins hit a little, pitch a little...manage to win a ball game. Hey! You know who else is hitting a little and pitching a little these days? That's right, the Tampa Bay Rays (nee Devil)! I love their young players...love that they're succeeding in a division where "no one can compete" with the MFY's and MFRS's. My excitement is tempered by the fact that they play in Tampa Bay...which is exactly the same thing as rooting for a team from Bismarck, ND. There is nothing interesting about either place, except the fact that one is too hot and one is too cold. More reasons to love the Rays...Matt Garza , Jenn Sterger., and the possibility of a World Series game at this place:

Thursday:

Cleveland 12 Twins 2

Why are we taking our innings-eater out after just three innings? Maybe it's the neckbeard?

Hey! You know who else would look good with a neckbeard? That's right, Josh Hamilton! He has 71 R'SBI. That's 11 more than the next guy. When the Twins were only trading with the Reds and ol' pal Wayne Krivsky, did this guy's name ever come up? Nah...'course not. The Twins don't have any young pitching prospects that the Reds would be interested in. Phuck, you picked the wrong outfielder-with-the-troubled-past. Thanks.

Be Careful What You Wish For

For the last two years, the general hue and cry from Twindom has gone something like this, “Jesus Christ, trade some of those young pitchers for someone who can hit!”.

And, I don’t mean to speak for the masses here, but I believe the call was for someone who hit with his man bits and not with his vagina.


Well…it’s morning in Minnesota, and Bill Smith’s reply to our call was “Why don’t you shove Carlos Gomez up your ass. Small Market's in the HOUSE”.

We’ve not only traded one of best young pitchers (a trade I kinda love), but we’ve now managed to make Boof Bonser our 2008 Opening Day Starter. Whoops!


Can you tell I’m mad? I mean, can you really tell? How about this…watch this clip and then you’ll probably understand. I’ve never been to Turkey, but I’m seriously thinking about going.


Let me be clear…I LIKE the Matt Garza trade. I LIKE the prospect of Delmon Young hitting the ball all over Carl Pohlad Memorial Stadium. I wasn’t mad when we traded Luis Castillo and I believe NOT paying Torii Hunter 90 million dollars, even though it made this website’s name obsolete, was the RIGHT thing to do.

But don’t those moves highlight in big, glowing, Joe Mauer-pink neon the absolute NECESSITY of re-signing Johan Santana???

Here’s what every Twins fan should be asking this morning…”What’s the fucking plan, Mr. Smith?”

Are we really to believe this team is ready to compete for a title now? And, assuming the answer is “No fucking way”, when will we be competing? Are we waiting for Justin Morneau to be MORE in his prime? Am I missing a BEVY of young players in the minors that are two-three years away that are going to make all the difference?

This feels like a move that is two days late and 25 million dollars short. If the team was willing to part with Garza, why not last year or the year before when a trade would have produced a hitter that could have helped us get over “the hump”? If we’re re-building, then why not trade Joe Nathan at last year’s deadline for young players? And, most mind-numbingly important of all, if you were willing to give Johan 4 years at 20 million…why not five? Or how about four years at 25 million? Jesus. Mary. Joseph.

So...What’s the fucking plan, Mr. Smith? More moves to come? Trading Nathan at this year's deadline?

Until this becomes more clear to me, I’m sorry, but I am forced to give you a special, mandatory TWT nickname.

We’ve officially gone from The Quiet Genius to a Man-Lady named Phuck.




(By the way…in all seriousness…I can’t wait for the season to start. Go Twins!)

(Oh…and this was supposed to be a Farewell Johan post. Well fuck that…but my favorite Johan memory is probably the duel with Curt Schilling when he struck out six of the first seven hitters )

(Or maybe it was win he gave up a MONSTER home run to Big Papi in the World Classic )

(One more time)

Pay that man his money

Eric Gagne signed for 10 million. Dollars.


Just give him the fucking money already, Bill.