Friday, June 13, 2008

Picture Pages-Cleveland Indians

Hey Boof Bonser! Want your job back?

Another miserable series. Another lack of interest on my part to render visually my feelings about the Twins. There other things in baseball more exciting than losing to Cleveland's AAA team.


Cleveland 1 Twins 0

"Ran into a buzzsaw" "give the pitcher credit" Pick your stupid cliche...simple fact, CC Sabathia has been mostly horseshit this year and he CG'd the Twins and their limp wanged lineup. You know who's man bits are feeling particularly strong these days? That's right...Chipper Jones! Have you been following Chipper's amazing career since Day 1? No? Well, me neither. Mostly because he plays in Atlanta, and everyone hates the Braves. And maybe a little bit because he constantly whines about the lack of respect we, the fans/media/hot southern women, bestow upon him. Well,'re batting .414 in June and I think that's pretty fucking awesome. (Yes, The Big Puma is having a better season...but .400 is .400)


Twins 8 Cleveland 5

Twins hit a little, pitch a little...manage to win a ball game. Hey! You know who else is hitting a little and pitching a little these days? That's right, the Tampa Bay Rays (nee Devil)! I love their young that they're succeeding in a division where "no one can compete" with the MFY's and MFRS's. My excitement is tempered by the fact that they play in Tampa Bay...which is exactly the same thing as rooting for a team from Bismarck, ND. There is nothing interesting about either place, except the fact that one is too hot and one is too cold. More reasons to love the Rays...Matt Garza , Jenn Sterger., and the possibility of a World Series game at this place:


Cleveland 12 Twins 2

Why are we taking our innings-eater out after just three innings? Maybe it's the neckbeard?

Hey! You know who else would look good with a neckbeard? That's right, Josh Hamilton! He has 71 R'SBI. That's 11 more than the next guy. When the Twins were only trading with the Reds and ol' pal Wayne Krivsky, did this guy's name ever come up? Nah...'course not. The Twins don't have any young pitching prospects that the Reds would be interested in. Phuck, you picked the wrong outfielder-with-the-troubled-past. Thanks.


Hops said...

Another reason to love the Rays!

Kaiser said...

Whenever you call Bill Smith "Phuck", I can't help but imagine him as a small little devious tree nymph running around an Italian forest.

Hops said...

I'm this close to calling Delmon Young Fungus. (Fuck U New Guy U Suck)

Smitty said...

Italian forest, nymph's running, DY getting a new nickname, mention of Josh Hamilton, good post, good post.

Livan apologized for his terriblness. Going to go Carleton on him:

Livan - "My bad"
Everyone - "No shit, don't do it again"

Don't drop too much crap on B.Smith, every team could have had him Rule 5 two years ago or given the Cubs 2 bits and a bag of baseballs for his rights. Reds capitalized, traded him and are looking pretty smart. Oh, they have J Bruce.

Where's our sweet 5 tool prospect?

Kaiser said...

Uh...he's doing super dab 8-part handshakes and giggling with Alexi in the corner of the dugout...

Kaiser said...

That should be 'dap' not 'dab'. I don't know what a 'dab' handshake is...

Smitty said...

Let me rephrase. Where is our 5-tool prospect that has the nickname "The Natural", hits majastic home runs and is a ligit current or future triple crown winner (see Hamilton, J Bruce, R Braun).