Twins 11 (really!) Tigers 1
What did Livan Hernandez say to Miguel Cabrera after getting him to pop-up a 14mph "curve" ball? "No soy Ramon Ortiz, burro!" No, Twins fans, this is a much different tightrope we're walking than last year's Ramon Ortiz Experience. Livan's ability to ensorcell hitters is much more mysterious. It's best to treat him like an eclipse and not look directly at him.
Twins 4 Tigers1
Scott Baker's got male problems...but the Twins have Brian "Stand-UP" Bass. If you pitch like this, we refuse to saddle you with fish nicknames. The Craig Monroe Doctrine Clause B Subsection 3..."Craig likes to shove things up Jim Leyland's ass"
Twins 7 Tigers 6
Holy shit. The Boof Bonser Corollary, Fat+6-Run First Inning=No Decision. Really? Kenny Rogers forgets to teach his infield that if you're going to play the game, you've got to learn to play it right. A big hit from Nick Punto is a sign of the Apocalypse...but Baby Jesus reminds us all whose house this is.