Twins 7 Brewers 6
Joe Mauer had it all. A #1 draft pick, former High School All-American, and hometown hero to millions of kids in St. Paul, MN (yes, there are millions of kids in St. Paul...have you been lately?) But his lack of power despite being 6'5", 240lbs drove him from the game he loves. He spent years working as a warming house attendant on Lake Phalen, trying to forget all those 4-3 put-outs. As he's finally coming to terms with abject failure, something drives him from his self-imposed exile. He learns his long-estranged son is taking an interest in baseball, and that his favorite player is Ryan Howard. Joe sends his son a letter asking, "How can a .215 hitter with a .310 on-base percentage be your favorite hitter?" He waits an agonizing three weeks before finally receiving a postcard as reply. It's a picture of a pile of money and on the back is written:
20. Home. runs. In June.
Joe is enraged! He immediately goes through a fifteen minute training montage complimented with inspirational music by Tim Mahoney, rejoins the Twins, and begins dominating baseball like no one has ever seen...culminating in his crushing of a Guillermo Mota fastball into the folded up football seats that pass for centerfield in the Metrodome to power the Twins over the Brewers.
Twins win 10 in a row. Joe Mauer regains the love of his son.
Brewers 5 Twins 1
Finding the National League utterly ridiculous, the Twins decide to play Saturday's game with one Nick Punto tied behind their backs. The Brewers prove that not even National League teams lose to teams with Nick Punto hitting second. We heart you Alexi Casilla!
Twins 5 Brewers 0
Kevin Slowey eats the worm...finishes what he started. Believe it or not, Delmon Young hits another home run. No word yet on how he feels about Susan Sontag or long, slow deep kisses that last three days. The streak is at one.