Who knew San Diego really does mean Whale's Vagina? Good God, Man...they're terrible. If you're a Padres fan, is there any reason to show-up to the ballpark? Oh...right. The sun. And the skorts. Right. Sorry, nevermind.
Speaking of elementary school...does everyone remember the "carnivals" you used to have in 5th and 6th grade? The school would fill the gym with make-shift booths for ring toss, face painting, pop-a-shot. The principal would sit in the dunk tank. The mild-mannered english teacher would show-up with her biker boyfriend wearing a sleeveless top showing off her "Bitches Gotta Ride" tattoo. The gym teacher would get drunk and make out with the new social studies teacher. This happened to everyone, right?
Well...if you didn't have all that...I KNOW you had a rope ladder. I think some of the more blasphemous amoung you probably called it a Jacob's Ladder. The point was to climb the thing and ring a bell at the top without falling off onto the thin blue mats that would later be velcroed back up on the gym wall. There were only like six steps, but the damn thing took a level of balance and coordination that just doesn't exist for those beginning puberty. Unless you were freakishly tall and you could jump up and ring the bell without actually having to achieve reasonable equilibrium.
It reminds me a bit of how the Twins have operated these last few years. Hamstrung by self-appointed financial restrictions, it seems they're always counting on that perfect balance to get them through the season. There is very little margin for error, and when the starting pitching goes south...so goes the team.
Inevitably, at those school carnivals someone's little brother or sister would want to give the rope ladder a try, and, to avoid abject failure, a parent would hold the ladder steady as they gingerly made their way toward heaven and prize tickets.
Not only are the Twins' starting pitchers keeping this team in every game, but it helps when the National League holds the ladder for awhile.
Twins 3 Padres 1
Hold it. Hold it. HOLD IT. Now, SWING! Both Brendon Harris and Brian Buscher are "scared straight" by the Return of Nick Punto. They each hit solo home runs in the 9th to win it.
Twins 9 Padres 3
Harris hits ANOTHER home run. Craig Monroe needs to learn that if he doesn't want to be a pinch hitter, he should stop hitting pinch hit home runs. Boof Bonser strikes out the side in the 9th inning. Umm...congratulations?
Twins 4 Padres 3
Justin Morneau getting hot for awhile (not that he's been playing poorly) makes me happy in all the right places. Twins win 9 games in a row over teams from the NL. Don't qualify it...just take it.